In September, something creeps into the air - and it's not just the chillier mornings or the earlier sunsets, it's that ‘back to school' feeling that makes you want to get organised for the rest of the year and reflect on the past few months.
Looking back on the summer months that have passed, how did you manage your romantic relationship during this time? Did you communicate well enough with each other? Did you find the summer months stressful? Did you carve out enough time to yourselves?
As you reflect, It's also the perfect time to ask yourself some difficult questions: are you happy in your relationship as a couple and if not, why are you staying in an unhappy relationship?
Why do we stay in unhappy relationships?
There's not always an easy or straightforward answer to why you might stay in an unhappy relationship. It can be a culmination of a lot of things, such as a fear of change and a fear of an unpredictable future.
Fear of change
The idea of leaving a long-term relationship is a scary one. The future without that one person in it, potentially without the home you know and the comfortable lifestyle and routine you've become accustomed to, can be terrifying.
Of course, the number one reason people stay in unhappy relationships is because of children.
People with children often stay in order to keep from unsettling or upsetting the children and the family dynamic. It's easier and more convenient to stay in an unsatisfying relationship than to face the huge upheaval that follows if you leave.
However, people don't give children enough credit, as they are incredibly perceptive and can pick up on the vibes if something is wrong, even if you do your best to hide it from them.
You are the role model for their future relationships and you have to remind yourself that you wouldn't want them to stay in an unhappy or unhealthy one, so why are you? While leaving an unhappy relationship can cause upset in the moment, it's almost always better in the long run.
Convenience relationships
A convenience relationship is one where you stay out of habit. It's easier and it's convenient. You live in hope that your partner will suddenly change out of the blue and your needs will be better met.
It's a way of avoiding the reality that things might never improve. You know deep down that your relationship is unfulfilling and not healthy or what you truly want.
Staying in a convenience relationship can stem from your own lack of self worth. You might convince yourself that you don't deserve better or perhaps you didn't have very good role models when it came to relationships, when you were growing up.
Back in the day, it would be the norm for people to ‘stay together for the kids' because breaking up or divorcing was hugely taboo and ‘not the done thing'. Was your parent's relationship filled with conflict and resentment? If so, this can offer some insight into why you think it's ok to stay in an unhappy relationship.
Rediscover your worth
If you're staying in an unhappy relationship due to a lack of self-worth, it's time to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why you aren't just as worthy as anyone else of a loving, happy relationship and why you don't deserve to be respected and loved.
It's never easy to make a big, life changing decision, but staying longer only harms you and those around you further. As it's a time of reflection, ask yourself if you're truly happy and if not, what you can change in order to create a life you love. Having the courage to seek something better for yourself and your children is always worth it and everyone deserves to be happy.
As the remainder of the year rolls around, it's time to consider whether you're on the right path. It might feel daunting to imagine a different future for yourself and your children, if you have them, but there are so many possibilities out there and the possibility of a life and future happy relationships is something that should be grabbed with both hands.
